The Thread of Turd

[Hendo]

I figured we might as well not sacrifice one single thread for a shitty game everytime one gets released, as they might get ignored.

And as gaming geeks it's our responibility, nay, our duty to be educated as to the pap out there.

So, purely for the rubbish Wii games that are coming out let's look at some bullshit games.

And here's where the inspiration comes from - Popcorn's gift to the world.

So, look out for Ninjabread Man, Billy the Wizard, Anubis II and Elviz: Rock 'n' Roll Adventures. Apparently more are on the way.

Incidentally, everyone should read that review round-up - as with all reviews of bad games, it's a brilliant read.

And to think I was tempted by Ninjabread Man on name alone.

[Centy]

I can't belive they have wasted a name as awesome as Ninja Breadman.

[TopGunKnacker]

the funny thing is that these popcorn arcade games get such massive shelfspace in my local gamestation people might be duped into thinking theyre important releases.

[Hendo]

Another one bites the dust - Brunswick Pro Bowling

To summarise, Brunswick Pro Bowling is not very good. It's too complex for a party game; you try explaining the importance of ball choice and oil patterns to small children or drunk people. It's not rewarding or consistent enough to be a good sports sim, and it certainly doesn't look like one. Sorry Brunswick, but you can keep your officially licensed balls; we're off down the Wii Sports bowling alley. But only because AMF Lewisham's shut.

[Hendo]

You have no idea how hard it is to find a copy of Mario & Sonic. I went round about 5 shops and none had it in.

Due to desperation, a weekend of Wii, comedic value and taking one for the team I bought a new game for 30 notes.

I knew it would be shit (it's either getting traded in or just given away. Or maybe a sacrificial burning would be the right thing?) but please, for the love of god, don't buy Cheggers Party Quiz.

I like Buzz and the demo for the 360 one is quite good, but this is just shocking. It feels like it was knocked together in about a day, and Cheggers is more annoying than you can imagine.

After it was done (a "long" quiz followed by a "short quiz" - 30 minutes in total) me and my mate both agreed, "let's never mention this atrocity ever again".

It takes a lot to reveal this element of my life, but if it saves anyone from having a moment of madness and buying it, then my job is done.

[David]

Hendo wrote:

You have no idea how hard it is to find a copy of Mario & Sonic. I went round about 5 shops and none had it in.

Due to desperation, a weekend of Wii, comedic value and taking one for the team I bought a new game for 30 notes.

I knew it would be shit (it's either getting traded in or just given away. Or maybe a sacrificial burning would be the right thing?) but please, for the love of god, don't buy Cheggers Party Quiz.

I like Buzz and the demo for the 360 one is quite good, but this is just shocking. It feels like it was knocked together in about a day, and Cheggers is more annoying than you can imagine.

After it was done (a "long" quiz followed by a "short quiz" - 30 minutes in total) me and my mate both agreed, "let's never mention this atrocity ever again".

It takes a lot to reveal this element of my life, but if it saves anyone from having a moment of madness and buying it, then my job is done.

:lol:

[illdog]

Dude, your fucking crackers. Lest we never forget to remind you of what you have done. Chegdo.

[Reload]

Hendo wrote:

Another one bites the dust - Brunswick Pro Bowling

To summarise, Brunswick Pro Bowling is not very good. It's too complex for a party game; you try explaining the importance of ball choice and oil patterns to small children or drunk people. It's not rewarding or consistent enough to be a good sports sim, and it certainly doesn't look like one. Sorry Brunswick, but you can keep your officially licensed balls; we're off down the Wii Sports bowling alley. But only because AMF Lewisham's shut.

I agree, it's as pants as those big pants you get for peoples 40th birthday parties that say "Happy 40th" on 'em. Except they are kinda funny so perhaps it's more pants than those. Making it actually more pants than pants. Quite an achievement if you ask me.

[Hendo]

Biz-ump.

I love Broken Pixels - they play some absolute stinkers.

Broken Pixels: Wacky Races

Broken Pixels: Lifeline

[Hendo]

I'm bringing this thread back from the grave, because I've played some right stinkers recently.

Went round to a mate's the other night and found out what happens when a 4 year old child and a Wii combine - you end up with Doctor Who Top Trumps.

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Do not listen to the above man, it is one of the worst, most boring games I've ever played. There's only a handful of characters in the game so you soon start having repeats and all you do is choose which attribute and that's it. You either go against the computer or you don't. Even hardcore Doctor Who fans shouldn't bother.

While there he put on We Rock : Drum King which is just terminally shite.

The covers are badly performed, sound crap and on screen there's a guitarist, bassist and drummer going mental no matter what is happening on screen. I started off with The Final Countdown and was amazed at the lack of a singer or keyboard player.

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No matter what song, the band and audience animations are exactly the same. It's just terrible, which is a shame as the gameplay is ok.

And today I have played through the demo of Darkest of Days, although I'm fairly sure the devs know that it's bad as it certainly has a tongue in cheek throughout, especially on the video clip showing you all the different guns.

The game is solid enough, shame that it's so cheap and nasty - there's nothing you could describe as polish in it at all, the graphics look like a bad PS2 game, bar the odd graphical effect on the things that send you whizzing through time. The voice acting (especially on Mother) is absolutely awful, I could do better and that says rather a lot.

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This, however, I would buy at a cheap price because it is pretty playable and fun, just so shockingly poorly slapped together.

[TopGunKnacker]

lol i actually really like that idea in Darkest of Days!

[DANGERMAN]

Apparently the PC version of Darkest of Days is actually fairly competent

[Hendo]

I could imagine it might look better, but I'd be very surprised if the voice acting was different or the whole idea of the game wasn't as ridiculous as this. Regardless of how it runs, it's a very cheap experience.

[radiofloyd]

Can I resurrect this thread to say that I think Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs and Apotheon are both shite and I don't recommend anyone play them.

 

I've played about 70-80 minutes of both games and I've had enough. In a Machine for Pigs you stumble around in the dark, occasionally the screen shakes and you hear noises. You pick up a few text documents to read but my eyes glaze over before I've even reached the second line. I'd be amazed if this turned out to be worth sticking with. Apotheon is deceptively pretty but painfully bad to play. Combat is awful, the controls are weird and the inventory/weapon switching is a mess.

 

I can't remember what I paid for either, hopefully no more than a fiver, and even then I feel robbed. Both games hidden from my steam library.

 

 

 

 

[DisturbedSwan]

Whoa, they've both got pretty good reviews as well.

 

I like that you hid them on your Steam library too, don't even want to look at them

[radiofloyd]

3 hours ago, Blakey said:

Whoa, they've both got pretty good reviews as well.

 

I like that you hid them on your Steam library too, don't even want to look at them

 

I've gotta go on the rampage and make some progress on my Steam/GOG libraries, might as well do things alphabetically.

 

It's all well and good to wait and binge buy things on the summer sale (which I will do next week) but there's something to be said for just buying a game when it comes out so that you can play it when there's actually hype around it. I realise now, that if I'm not interested enough in a game to buy it full price, I'm probably not interested enough to play it at all. It's hard to motivate yourself to just pick games out of the blue from your steam library and play them (and by hard I mean, it never happens).

 

Recently I've been less impulsive and bought fewer games, but over the years I've thrown cash at Steam, buying games to hoard "for the future", with no intention of playing immediately.

 

From now on I can see myself switching towards only buying games if I plan to play them straight away, and that will probably mean at launch. If it means spending a few more euros (which is all it is in most cases), to hell with it. At least it's going to the developers.

 

 

 

 

[radiofloyd]

I'm also going to add Boot Hill Heroes, the kind of indie game that I wouldn't buy anymore but I did buy it on a whim a couple of years ago. It's a low budget indie game that has aspirations of being something along the lines of Earthbound I guess. But it's just really low budget. The graphics, music and story are all generic and completely unimpressive, the fonts are terrible and the text speed is so slow. I've had enough after an hour. There would want to be a complete gaming drought for me to play this. Avoid.