Wheelman

[Hendo]

Only done the first mission so far, which you will have done if you've played the demo.

The very fact that you can press the right stick left or right to slam vehicles, tells you all you need to know about where this game sits on the thin line between dumb and realism. Or the move where you spin your car round 180 degrees in slow motion, continue driving in the same direction (ie, you're now driving in reverse) while picking off bikes and cars with bullet time shooting, then spin back round 180 degrees and carry on as you were.

Or if all else fails, the first sentence of this picture should tell you everything else:

[Sambob]

Surely being well known as a thief means that you are a pretty shit thief...

[illdog]

Im a thief/Flamenco dancer, whats your fucking problem?

I bought this, i hope its not shit but i did read the instruction book on the pan and I regretted the purchase just from that experience.

[Sambob]

Flamingo dancer

[David]

A flamenco dancing thief is my idea of a perfect girl, so stop dissing it.

[HandsomeDead]

I like the idea of a missus that is a flamenco dancing theif, getting all passionate on the dancefloor and after a few quick twirls you find your boxers in her teeth. How hot is that?

I think I played the demo.. Maybe not. It just didn't seem like something that I wanted to play.

[Hendo]

I don't think the compulsory story missions are time-based but some of the side missions are. There's a good bit of variety - so far I've done taxi missions (you just have to get to your customer, not take them anywhere), contracts (take out an enemy vehicle in a decent time), rampage (which is like Showtime from Burnout where you just cause as much damage as you can), made to order (steal cars and take them back to the base without damaging them too much), hot potato (pick up packages and return them to base), street showdown (races), fugitive (escape from the police or other enemies, like Marked Man in Paradise) and the story ones.

The mission map is done really well, so when you've finished a main story mission it pings around the map showing you the new side stuff you've unlocked and then settles on the new story one, so if you like you can completely ignore the side missions just by hammering A. Doing the side missions does improve stuff though, like the health of your car or your special meter.

Even though it's an open world game, the majority of the time you don't have to wander around as most of the missions on the map, you can start them just by clicking on the icon. The only ones you can't are the ones that you need to be in a car, so grab a car first and then you go straight to it.

It is one of the most stupidly over the top ridiculous games I've played in quite some time. Crackdown has orbs, Ass Creed has flags and this has little statues of lions that you have to destroy. For some reason.

Oh, and air jacking where you jump from your moving car (that you were only a second ago, driving) to another moving car, throw the driver out and carry on driving it yourself, all at about 60mph.

[illdog]

Im gonna boot this up Friday, was gonna go back and finish up some old stuff but im itching to play this for some reason.

[Hendo]

Had a couple of epic missions today, one involving driving a lorry (complete with trailer) all the way round the city - you so much as breathe on other cars or bikes and they crash.

The other one felt like end-of-game stuff, really long and involving several different sections. I guessed that I was at the last bit and if I gave up for the night I would lose my progress so I kept trying and eventually beat it, and it seems I'm now just 50% through the game!

There's been a few on-foot sections but mostly it's all about being behind a wheel. Good stuff. It's a lot like the Driver games when they weren't shit.

[illdog]

It is one of the most stupidly over the top ridiculous games I've played in quite some time.

This. Id add annoying in there aswell but i cant stress enough: its a shitload of fun.

Ive almost exclusively ignored the main missions and just played around on side missions (for list, see Hendo's post about 4 up), infact ive only done the story to open more side missions. This is how i like games to be sometimes, easy to pick up, lots to do but each individual part doesnt take very long. I liken it to Popcorn Chicken.

Its pretty much a Burnout clone with a shit story attatched to it. Vin Diesel speaks to everyone like he's trying to get them into bed and it wasnt long before i was skipping cut scenes so i could drive stuff. Good character model tho, looks just like him, even runs like him.

Back to the annoying part at the top. Im an angry gamer anyway so everything fucks me off, but the problem starts from the handling. The cars can feel a little sluggish, then you turn a corner and it barley moves, after a second or so it turns far too hard. You can flick off the accelerator onto the brake then immediately off the brake back onto the accelerator to swing the back end out and when it works this is sound as, very controllable. But thats the problem, it doesnt always seem to work and when your in an extreme situation (which you often are) and it doenst work you want to kill yourself. I may be doing something wrong and if i discover i have been i shall apologise to all involved.

The other infuriating this is that whenever i turn a sharp corner there ALWAYS seems to be something in my way and more often than not its a parked car perfectly in the apex(?) of my drift - its there, its unavoidable and im going to hit it. Im aware you cant drive fast and freely through an open city without crashing into, frankly, millions of things, its just annoying is all.

Overall tho, for a tenner or so i couldnt reccommend it enough if you just want a bit of stupid cuntishness.

[Hendo]

You summed it up really well, man. It is a game filled with flaws buy by god, it's fun.

[illdog]

Ugh, my ass is sore from playing this game. It fucks you at every oppertunity it gets. The Made to Order side missions get really hard later on, but the worst one ever is when you have to airjack 3 British convertables.

Its not like this mission isnt hard anyway, but just to make it an extra pleasure throughout the 10 or so times i had to repeat the level the developers thought it would be a great idea to play clown music in the background. So your screaming at how the Convertable somehow speeds off everytime you get close to it and to accompany your misery is a nice bit of 'do do d'd'd'd do do do dooo'

Also, the Airjack is a cunt that works 25% of the time. To Airjack, whilst in a vehicle you have to line yourself up behind the vehicle you want to jack and hold down the B button, an red arrow appears above your target and turns green when your good to go, you then release the B button and ridiculousness insues. I hate moves activated by holding down buttons then releasing! These later missions only give you a tiny window of oppertunity, to the point where i was anticipating the arrow turning green instead of waiting for it to. This is all well and good if the game recognises the fact that your trying to perform an Airjack, obviously it also thinks the B button is a hilarious injoke which is just pressed for a laugh.

And dont get me started on Contracts. Just like Burnout takedowns really just with a visable energy bar for your opponent, you wank a car untill its fucked then when th symbol above its head is flashing you can perform one more smash to end its carreer. Yesterday night i was just totally raping this car, smashing it into walls , into other cars, you name it. Unfortunately this did nothing but make the car laugh as the enery bar was down a tiny pissy slither and im like WTF? I wanked all over you! And its like 'naah'. And you've only got a minute and a half to do it in. Still, i did it cos im the king but fuck this game makes hard work out of simple tasks.

But id probably be moaning if it was too easy. It just feels unfair sometimes, i suppose thats my grievance.

[illdog]

Fuck i hate the story on this game, ive done all the side missions now and all thats left of this meat is the gristle. And no-one like gristle.

Ive just done a mission involving chasing some cunt who's on a train and your on a bike (or a car if you jack it) and it was cunt rot, just plain fucking awful. I pent alot of my time sandwiched between the train i was chasing and a car that was chasing me, but the car had hit me in such a way that i had jumped up on top of the car and was riding on it but against the train. This happened lots.

[Hendo]

I remember that one and it was indeed a super cunt.

I dunno if you've done it now, but there's nowt I can help with, just have to do it over and over.

[illdog]

Yea man, took me about 6 goes, everytime starting on foot at the top of the stairs, shooting that dude, nicking his bike and ultimately dying.

As annoyingly hard as the latter side missions were, they were fucking excellent fun, worth the admission price alone. The city looks really nice too, im definately gonna go for all the cat statues and cinematic jumps. Shame the story fucks rabbit face.