Ion Fury

[AndyKurosaki]

Well. This isn’t very good at all. I’m old enough to have played the original Doom back in the day, and loved Duke Nukem 3D. Both of which are still really fun today. This? Not so much.

 

It’s a prequel to 3D Realms’ Bombshell, which as it was PC only, I never played that. It’s based on the Build engine, and I’ve seen one review that claimed this is “one of the best Build games ever” and “one of the best first person shooters in recent memory”. 
I would present a counter argument: “It’s neither of those, and is boring as fuck”.

 

The plot? Pretty much non existent. Apparently someone spilled the main characters drink, which pissed her off to the extent that she seeks revenge. Is there a cutscene that explains that? No. I only found out later that there’s a single screen of expositional text, buried in the options screen.

 

The weapons? Your typical bog-standard pistol/shotgun/SMG. Maybe you unlock more creative weapons later on. I wouldn’t know, as I couldn’t be arsed to play past Level 3.

 

The enemies? Generic trench coat dudes, mixed with annoying spiders that rip through your health bar like it’s not even there.

 

I’ve seen some claims that “it’s funny”. Three levels in, and I’ve seen no attempts at humour whatsoever. Sure, there’s plenty of secrets. But actual humour, such as the type seen in Duke 3D, and Shadow Warrior? Non existent.

 

I reached level 3, repeatedly died to some cheap sections, and found myself thinking the immortal question, “Why am I bothering with this?”. So I fucked it off. 
 

Modern audiences will find it dated and boring. People with experience in the genre will find it boring in comparison to much better titles. 

It’s just not very good.