Grand Theft Auto V

[AndyKurosaki]

It's shit. Doesn't help it takes fucking ages to load it up as well. And even worse, when it does kick you out, it boots you back to the single player. Which again, takes fucking ages.

And when it does work, you get to play Deathmatches. Where everybody molests you as they've got far better weapons than what you start with. And Rockstar seriously expects you to pay in-game money for ammo in battle, or you run out. Whoever came with that idea, is a Grade A fucking idiot.

[AndyKurosaki]

No idea what that is, but I'll have it with a swig of Um Bongo.

[RoboticMonk3y]

Jesus, I'm gonna send you pair some of my amlodipine for Christmas.

fuckin a

I've had a shitty week, and vidya games are supposed to be my relaxing break.

I'll probably not give two shits about it by next week.

I think I'm going to go back to playing the binding of isaac for a few days.

[Sly Reflex]

I unlocked Trevor last night. I wasn't quite expecting him to be as mad as he is. I liked the cameo from an old GTA face as well, as far as I know that's been the first tie in that I've noticed.

The loading is really hefty in this game, I bust into an online session last night just to bank my money and the loading screen to get into the game was really long. It was like going back to the C64. It was pretty fun when I got in there though. I managed to get myself a car. I robbed a petrol station then had a car chase. I came across another guy that was having a shoot out with some cops, so I started ramming the police cars until I got to the door he was hiding in at which point he jumped in my car and we made an escape. I got him out to another area before he bailed and got his own car.

You want to try some online later on tonight Robo? I looked on the internet and apparently you can play alone online, although if you jump right into online it puts you in public lobbies. I think you have to go into story mode, then once you're in there move across to online mode. I suggest doing something constructive during the loading screens, like putting up some shelves or learning another language.

I forgot to mention this in my last post, but my online avatar looks scarily like me. I didn't even intend for that to happen I just picked 2 random 'parents', randomised the features and slapped some blond hair on it. It freaks me out on an uncanny valley level.

[RoboticMonk3y]

I tried that last night with no joy, my game had 5 people in it for maybe a minute.

There are a whole bunch of "hey, I did this an I could get into a game", including changing from auto aim, to free aim in the options, I think it's just a dice roll, you're luck and you get a connection to the rockstar servers and you're golden, or you're unlucky and you're out on your own.

I give it a week, and it probably will have blown over, but Rockstar haven't even acknowledged there's even an issue.

[Sly Reflex]

I think the last time I laughed this much at a game was when I was playing Saints Row III.

The comedy is very different though, the satire in GTAV is pretty amazing at times. For instance, I was in the middle of the desert. I was looking for a car and one came along, first car in ages I'd seen. So I stood in the middle of the road where the car came to a stop. The woman driving reverse a bit, then ploughed right into me sending my scuttling across the tarmac. As trevor stood back up cursing and dusting himself off, the driver stop dead, flung the car door open and jumped out into the road like she was bailing out of a flaming wreck. Then she started rolling around the floor shouting "You'll be hearing from my lawyer about this, I'm going to sue you!". I walked over to her car, she stopped feigning injury and run off. I thought it was pretty amusing.

I'm finding that I play differently as different characters. In the Fame or Shame mission where you park in the disabled spot at the TV centre I was playing as Trevor. Some guy starts whittling on about us not being able to park there, if I was playing as one of the other two I'd have just ignored him, but it felt right to just to punch him. I didn't even really think about it, it was more of a reactionary thing than anything. It made me laugh though, just because the attendant when down like a sack of shit.

The story Trevor tells Wade as they're going to the city was brilliant as well, all the characters have great dialogue (even Franklin if you pick out all the gangsta shit) and I find myself taking drives a little slower so I can enjoy the exchanges.

The missions are nice and varied too, I won't go into it here because I think there's people yet to play GTAV, but there's some real highlights. Even the filler stuff has good fun to be had and can throw up some hilarious consequences if you're not expecting them.

I have a few gripes with it, one of which is that I wish the controls were 100% dual stick, controlling any of the guys in close quarters is a pain in the arse, it's like their bollocks are made of the densest most compact substance on earth as they stagger about trying to get through hallways or stairwells.

I don't like how long the police chase you either, it seems far too long. You have new tools for losing the cops but it puts a real dampener on the flow of the game when you're sat in a safe area that no cop is ever going to get to you, yet you're sort of stuck in a limbo of not being able to do anything because a cop might spawn on the way you're heading and reset the whole escape thing. I'm much less likely to cause trouble because it's a bit of a chore to escape. I really hope that doesn't become a problem further into the game, I want more get away and keep away for less time than sat inb a ginnel somewhere for 2 minutes with my head down hoping the cops fuck off and let me get back to playing the missions.

[RoboticMonk3y]

I don't remember in the original game (or peharps i ignored it) that you can duck down in a car when you're parked in an alley, so the cops drive right on past without seeing you

[Sly Reflex]

That doesn't always work. It's cool when it does though.

[Jimboxy]

Thought I remembered that. But I was thinking of watch dogs.

[Sly Reflex]

Just done the Azerbaijani mission. That was pretty grim, but also showed another side to Trevor. He's a darling really. A gun toting, profanity spewing, meth slinging darling. That takes shits in alleys. Because why not?

I don't mind either 3 of the cast now. The only people I can't stand are Michael family, what a bunch of cunts. Awful awful cunts. They have zero likability between them.

I found a really nice place to hide out under a really long bridge that spans water, I was uncovering the map and went into a trespass zone that instantly gave me 4 stars, so I did the best with what I had at the time and ended up finding that place. It's pretty accessible from any place southern.

On one of the missions...

... Where you go to buy the brick of coke and end up fighting your way out of the Grove, I had no idea that was in game. I played the fuck out of San Andreas and I was trying to remember the streets around where CJ lived and I don't think it's 1:1 placement. Obviously it's not the same because the cities are bigger in general in GTAV, but the topography is close I guess, what with the storm drain running up the side and the stadium next door (I made frequent journeys there to use the monster truck). I'm going to start paying attention to some of the street/area names and see if I can find some similarities. I remember places like Idlewood, Richman and Los 'something or other', They have to be somewhere in there.

I thought that was pretty cool anyway, if they revisit Vice City for GTAVI I'd like to see similar places in HD glory, although to be honest I'd rather they went to San Fierro or Las Venturas, Vice City my least favourite out of the GTA games.

I'm really liking this game. When I'm not playing it I'm thinking about it. When I'm playing it I'm soaking up every last bit of it, there might be bits of it that piss me off no end, but on a whole it's totally engaging on a level that most other games can't even begin to match. It's just fun to drive around in and look at. Really the only thing that could make it better is if it showed you were the collectable stuff was so that you could have fun going to far reaches of the map so you could take in the vitas and collect something while you're at it. Games like Saints Row and Just Cause 2 really spoiled us with that stuff, it's really something that should have become the norm.

[AndyKurosaki]

Totally agree with that, every game should copy the Saints route of "here's where the collectables are on the map". I wouldn't bother with the ones in this, as they're shit. Getting into a submarine, then diving in dark underwater areas trying to find a collectable is pretty tedious.

[Sly Reflex]

I was talking to a friend this afternoon and apparently you can use Chop to find collectables. I don't ever remember the game telling me that.

Same friend also told me that there's this long winded mission that has you walking about the desert in pajamas for about 10 hours, sounds like a right old fuck about.

[AndyKurosaki]

Think it tells you that once, when you first get him. He won't do it unless you "train" him using the smarphone IFruit App either. So I didn't bother.

That desert mission is in the Kiflom sidemission I mentioned earlier. It's a total fucking chore. No doubt it's Rockstar parodying something or other, but it's so god-damned boring. You're basically told to run around in the desert, to clock up cult-based karma points. It takes a seriously long time to do, think it was about half an hour in real time. You can't drive, or use a bike. So you have to go round, holding down the run button, for 30 real-life minutes. You can't just tape the button down and go do something else, as if you run out of a designated area, it stops counting towards your total.

And the final thing that sucks is Michael doesn't shut the fuck up. Constantly, throughout your effort, he keeps saying Kiflom. Again. And again. And again. So either turn the sound off and play some music in the background. Or go clinically insane.

Or beter yet, just don't fucking bother at all.

[Sly Reflex]

Aye, I'll probably end up doing it just because it's there. Sounds rubbish though.

I love the little details in this game. The way that the radio station crackle out of reception and phase into other stations when you go out of the area they broadcast in. Franklin also bought himself a personalised plate for his car too.

I'm just doing flying school and shooting gallery stuff to prepare for my next mission. The choppers seem a bit harder than they did in GTAIV I wasn't bad with them before but now I find them a bit of a struggle, I'm pretty sure they've changed how they handle. I actually remember playing GTAIV with DC, he could handle choppers perfectly in that game, the man had a talent for it. I bet he couldn't handle them as well in this.

The planes are lovely to fly. Kind of relaxing even, they feel like an extension of my body, the previous planes i had a go in were those of BF4, and those fuckers felt like an extension of my body too, except this time I'd been roofied.

[Sly Reflex]

I'm so impressed with this game. Just when you think you've seen everything the game has to offer it goes and introduces something else or does some other touch to surprise you. There's just so much gone into this game, the people responsible have poured their blood, sweat and tears into making it. This is everything a AAA game should be, not what we're used to seeing bar a few odd titles.

 

Out of all the newish games I've played recently, nothing can really hold a candle to this. I'm not even 50% the way through it and I'm yet to do all the any of the leisure stuff or spend time online making my character on there levelled up. I've got a few friends playing and apparently it's bloody acetits if you can get the bugger to work, it's just a big playground to piss about in and do stuff that SP doesn't really allow you to do.

 

I just wound my last session up at what look like the execution of two heists. One involves a submarine and a big fuck off helicopter and the other one involves doing a ram raid with a bin wagon. I'm looking forward to getting them done so I can buy Michael and Franklin some businesses.

 

When I stole the bin wagon for the heist I had to escape the cops, which led me down an alley way with this.

 

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p>Limmy's Show reference? <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/PS4share?src=hash">#PS4share</a> <a href="http://t.co/EXJHgWy7St">pic.twitter.com/EXJHgWy7St</a></p>— Simon  (@Sly_Reflex) <a href="https://twitter.com/Sly_Reflex/status/536342429247766528">November 23, 2014</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

 

It made me smile when I saw it.

[Sly Reflex]

For some reason it says the stock market is down whenever I go to access it.

[AndyKurosaki]

There's two isn't there? One just for Online, and the other just for single player.Which as Nag says, needs to be exploited to buggery for BIG MONEY! BIG PRIZES! I LOVE IT!

[smallofbooty]

Some side missions you'd want to delay, like the assassinations because they're massive stock market accumulators. They can even be left until you complete the story mode, in theory, giving you massive gambling/investment potential. I even gave a random dickhead a lift to the airport one time and he gave me a big insider dealer tip earning a nice score. Love this game, just bought the Xbox one version to carry over my 360 experience. Now need to buy an Xbox One!

[Sly Reflex]

Why the XO version? Bit odd to buy a game for a console you don't own, no?

[smallofbooty]

It's a pre-order, pre-order. I'm getting one just looking for the right bundle.