Snoopy Concert

[illdog]

Here it is, this years big release, 1995's Snoopy Concert on the Super Famicom.

 

If you can get the game to load you get to pick from one of the beloved Peanut characters and have to scratch your bollocks for ten minutes working out what the holy fuck you have to do.

 

I'll run you through in order I played (which is characters left to right)

 

RERUN:

Rerun is in his buggy and its out of control. You, as a dismembered hand, have to pop balloons that that will float him away and shut gates that will kill him at the speed he's travelling. It's hard as fuck and I quickly grew tired of it.

 

LINUS:

Thisn game seems to be in Linus's blankets imagination (??? PROFIT).  So, Linus is chatting up some dark haired beauty at school, i'm pretty sure he wants to tickle her hairless minge with his big nose, or my Japanese is a bit off. He recants the tale after school to Snoopy, who decides to become his alter ego Joe Cool and tells us in big red text to call 088-8082.

 

The actual game took a bit to figure out. You play as Woodstock and you have to guide Joe Cool to the end of the level by shouting at him via the A button. You are racing another pervy kid to give flowers to the girl Linus wants to fuck. It turns out Joe Cool will duck if you press down and jump if you fly higher in the sky and shout. The first go was spent figuring out what the fuck to do and how to get JC under a low platform. The second go I absolutey pasted the other kid but despite getting to the girl first i could work out what to do with her (takes me back). It turns out the B button issues a quieter command that makes JC step one pace at a time.

 

Third go i figured it out. When you duck you drop the flower you are holding for the girl. You have to get the other side of it when it's on the floor and push it along, under the low platform and pick it up again. I also got JC to do these massive super jumps somehow. Anyways, we got to the girl before the rapey kid and JC went in to her house for... tea. I thought i was done but then it cuts back to school, Linus talking some more filth to the same cum slut. Then it switches to Snoopy in his Pilot outfit, this time you have to call 0800-7193.

 

The new level loaded up and I died instantly, falling for 10 seconds before hitting the ground and being asked to Give Up or Try Again. I gave up.

 

SCHROEDER:

He's playing his piano then Snoopy and Woodstock come along.There was definately the number 2 in whatever Snoopy said.

 

The actual game is the same as Linus's, exept at the start there's a little tutorial that would have been super handy for the last game, the stupid cunts. Anyway, it turns out that super jump is done by making sure Snoopy is running, then you make sure you are up high enough to make him jump when you yell at him, then he super jumps.

 

I had to get Snoopy to pick up a spade so he could dig through a clay clump in the middle of the path. Next bit of the level see's you turning a speaker toward a tree so as to shout through a microphone so the resulting noise brings the apples from the tree so Snoopy can pick one up and give it to a sentient corn on the cob so he can open a door just enough for you to crawl under which I'm pretty sure id the plot of Halo 2 but this came first.

 

Third bit you have to have these super jumps down pat cos you have to jump over these venus fly traps. First one, then two so you have to be precise. The you get to one with lips that grows if youy try to jump over it and there's another taller one behind it with three heads. That was impossible so I gave up.

 

PEPPERMINT PATTY:

The first ever lesbian. It looks like she's at the cinema with her ever faithful Marcy. Marcy is reading a letter. Then it cuts back to the character selection screen.

 

CHARLIE BROWN:

You clutz! Some things are said then Snoopy appears as his Sherlock Holmes character. There's a number to call every game.

 

Same again gameplay wise, SNoopy responding to Woodstocks barked commands. I cross the road, I pick up some dog food. I get to a tree with a bee's nest. I put the dog food down. Nothing happens. I run to the beginning of the level again. Fuck all. I quit.

 

 

SNOOPY:

This better be good as every game but Rerun has been Snoopy instead in his various guises. He's laying on his dog house thinking to Woodstock. Then it goes to the character screen.

 

No credits but I guess I've completed it.

 

10/10